SUMMER 1976 [THE HIPPIES THE MARK NINE JAG
AND THE PIGEON} Well, we had had enough of the boys eating and shitting in the
house, so we decided to build them a pen out in the yard. while we were concreting,
welding, sawing and what have you, the boys were locked in the bathroom [they
couldnt do any damage to anything in there. all the stuff in there is hard and
shiny-nothing edible] we were well pleased. it was like the titanic. they couldnt
break it. it was near the main drain and could be scrubbed down easily. all we had
to do was wait for the concrete to dry and put in the new kennel. perfect. While we
were doing this the boys were quiet-"perhaps they know we are doing for them"
remarked the old git. "yeah right" I said. as I said before we lived in a terraced
street, and right next door we had what they used to call a transit house (this was
before the council lost its conscience) when people with families moved from one
area to the other they would give them a transit house to live in until they found
them something more suitable. this is where the hippies lived. a really nice
family, three kids, all with flowery names like daisy, petal and flospy rose or
something like that. the dad was interested in what we were doing. we did have a
recycled nail and some reclaimed wood. they were all totally vegeterian, even the
cat. In front of the pen was one of old gits hobbys-the mk9 jag, a wonderfull thing
he found out in the sticks that had been laying there for at least 20 years. he had
done literally miles of welding on it and it was starting to look like what it was.
hes a brilliant welder, blacksmith, engineer, but a more untidy genius Ive yet to
meet. there was bits of rusty jag and little bits of welding rod and cut of bits of
metal everywhere. he sat for hours, cross legged, welding away-gas welding that is
(one night a little old lady came up to him and said "excuse me, do you mind
switching that thing off, im trying to watch coronation street and that things
upsetting my telly". "okay" he said and turned off the torch. you wont have anymore
trouble with that, and she toddled off. as soon as she'd gone he carried on. he
didnt see her anymore). the hippies were big on gardening. they had every sort of
vegertable you could think of, all growing in staight lines and all days away from
being ready to eat. they looked a picture, just like little soldiers. their garden,
as you can imagine was so much more tidier than ours. they even had room for a
linen line which had fresh clean washing hanging on it every day. we had weighed it
up. it was a way away from the dog pen so couldnt be a problem (could it?) anyway,
we had a hard days graft in hotter than hell temperatures. some of you will
remember '76. we had drought and pestulance that year. it was horrible. the old git
was working early in the morning and late at night to avoid it. Anyway, we are
knacked so as the concrete needed to dry we thought we would go in and have some
tea. we let the boys out of the bathroom and I started tea. OG went into the lounge
and the boys stayed in the kitchen in case anything fell on the deck. anthing will
do, bits of ham, hot chip knives ect. I got the tea underway. I said to the og
"just watch these dogs can you, I have to go to the loo". I went in and looked
around, thought "no damage". good I thought, "theyle be in their pen tommorow-
FREEDOM!" then I flushed the loo. what the f##ck! wheres all this water comming
from? of course I had taken my boots off and stood in what seemed like inches of
water in stocking feet. the bar###rds had chewed the plastic pipe that led from the
cistern to the pan so when you flushed it flooded the place. "whats up?" said the
old git seeing all the water comming under the door to where he was standing in
vigil of the tea. he tried to open the door. I stood there dumstruck. "open the
fu##ing door" he said. "what the hell!". there was nothing to say what they had
done, no chewed up plastic, nothing, just all this water. needless to say the boys
were back under the bed by this time. the tea was burnt beyond recognition. we
were wondering what the f##k to do. anyway, old git said "bring the torch" and,
armed with a screw driver we went outside and he removed the top hose off the jag
and fitted it to the loo. we mopped up and I went to the chippie. yes, and the boys
helped us eat it. The next day the concrete was dry. we put the house in and in
went the boys. they loved it, we couldnt take our eyes off them, they looked like
normal dogs doing normal things, not the demons they were. old git said "ill do
some more welding on the jag. theres a nice breeze, not too hot. are you going to
give me a hand? you havnt got to watch them they are okay". so im helping him, Im
holding this piece of steel in place, not daring to move and as I didnt want arc
eye I was watching the boys. Toby was laying in the sun but Tom was trying to get
this curly off cut of steel with his paw. I couldnt move so I thought as soon as
old gits finished Ill move it out of harms way. when he had done I said "hang on, I
must just do somthing". "OH" I thought-its gone. I looked around, its nowhere to be
seen. I didnt think no more about it. about 4:00pm, Mrs hippie came out and said
"oh look at them, they love their new house dont they" as she took her washing in.
"its a lovly dry out isnt it" I said. "I wish I had a linen line. you could put
another lot out today" (the wind was still getting up). "yes" she said "thats just
what im going to do". shes hung out two lines full, the green cow. We had had
enough about 6:00pm so we went in. the boys where fine and it was warm, if a little
breezy. about 9:00pm there was a tap on the front door. it was Mr. hippie. "Im
awfully sorry to trouble you" he said "but there seems to be a bit of a problem out
the back with the dogs". "yeah" said old git. Im quaking in my boots as we gingerly
walked outside. Mrs hippie was out there and all the little hippies. omg what a
mess. there was no sign of the boys. they'd gone, but every thing in the garden had
gone as well, and the nice neat garden resembled the somme. the complete washing
line was now in the dog pen, and what was on it was also in the dog pen and had
been ripped up and shat and peed on. we were going "but what, how, why" so Mr.
hippie said "hey wow, what we thought might have happened was like the winds
changed direction like, and my best shirt sleeve must have blown into reach and
they just kept pulling" "yeah, but how did they then get out to do the garden in"
old git said. "well the linen line must have got pulled tight round the bolt lock
and undone it". the hippies, as Ive already said, they were very nice. they wouldnt
take a penny for the devestation caused, but the next day they had gone to spain in
their old london taxi. the boys had that effect on people. we found the boys under
the bed and the next day I found that piece of steel again-hanging out of Toms bum.
he had eaten it, but he did pass it okay. The boys went back in the pen and they
seemed to like it for a while until they ate it. the rest of the summer went
resonably well. before I leave '76 I will tell you about the eagle-I mean the
pigeon-this was the start of another strange relationship. there was a comotion
going on out in the yard. the boys were going into one so I went and looked. I
couldnt see anything the boys were looking under the jag so I looked under the jag.
there was an ugly bird, quite big but it seemed young. I ran indoors, said to the
old git "theres a baby eagle or something trying to get into the dog pen for water"
he came out. "that aint an eagle, its a sqeaker". "oh yeah, whats a sqeaker". "a
baby pigeon" he said "aaarr" I said "lets take it indoors"-but thats another
story....
MUM WANTED HER GARDEN TO LOOK LIKE THE HIPPIES-IT DOES NOW ;TOM AND TOBY
To read part IV click here